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What.. I'm asking for advice? 4 Months, 3 Weeks ago
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Well sadly it's come to this. I've hit the proverbial brick wall when it comes to this lady I've started to like. As much as I'd like to maintain my mystique here as being someone who doesn't need help with relationships, I think there's a point in time where we always need to be humble about our strengths and weaknesses.
A long story short, as I've starting to hang out more with this girl, the more I've become attracted to her. The unfortunate thing is that she happens to be in a relationship at the moment. Now usually I'd just walk away right there. heck I've got the worst case of luck lately, every new girl I've met lately and have been attracted to always seems to already been in a relationship. I'm not one to get affected emotionally by things like this, but there have been points in time where I just feel a little bit left out.
Back to the story. I've hanged out with her at the pub and parties numerous times, and her boyfriend has not shown up once. We've gotten 'close', and I've got to know her quite well without breaking the barrier into being a stalker. Her boyfriend - it seems that he isn't showing her any affection, and she seems to be on the verge of 'breaking down'. I hate to make assumptions, but that's just what I've been observing.
I don't like to be a person who aims to break up relationships. I find it a touchy subject, and seeing relationships blossom into something 'special' is just something I admire. I feel that as I've started to learn more about who I am. I can make the relationships that I have with women last longer. Through my failures the last few years, whether it be with women, school or my family... I've become a better person, excelled at the things I enjoy, and am just killing school right now.
I'd love to walk away from this girl right now, but there's just something I feel 'special' about her. I know this road to 'get' her will require me to be patient and vigilant. I don't want to bust in and blow the room wide open. I know that my nature will always convince me to let everything take it's time.
However, that's where you all come in. I know a single mind cannot prepare for everything, so I thought I'd ask the people of Hey-Ai on what they think I should do. And since I don't always get to speak to the other gender about touchy subjects like this, I know the ladies here might be able to provide a good opinion on this.
Is there anything else special that I can do? Should I just leave her be and move on to the next one? After the break up, what should be my tactic?
I'm not too desperate for answers as I've got a general skeleton on what I need to do, but opinions are always welcome!
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Blurr
Fresh Boarder
Posts: 15
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Re:What.. I'm asking for advice? 4 Months, 3 Weeks ago
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hmm quite a dilema u got there man. though ur quite correct, generally as a guy we should walk away from situations like this when its about breaking up another relationship. but as u stated her bf isnt showing her any affection, and obviously if he doesnt show up when u 2 are meeting then, it means he doesnt really care about her. so this kind of relationship would break down eventually anyways.
so if i were you, i would give myself 2 options. first being, as ive stated above, wait a bit, 1 or 2 months, let urself get even closer to her, until she can feel it as well. and SHE would break up with her bf for you. cause she would feel ur a much better person to be with.
or 2nd option, u could heat things up now, and give her loads of affection and maybe she'll be urs sooner than option 1.
what im saying is, if u feel a girl is special, then go fight for it man. if you dont do it, another guy might, and then in the end u'd just be kicking urself in the leg and saying f***, why didnt i do it... cause really a girl can come and go so easily if you dont take ur chances. i know being asian, we have these 'honour' problems, but when it comes to chasing after a girl, i think there is no honour involved, it's only win or lose...
thats my 2 cents, lol, gj man.
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Re:What.. I'm asking for advice? 4 Months, 3 Weeks ago
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Thanks for the response Will. I think I agree with everything that you're saying right there. 
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Blurr
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Posts: 15
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Re:What.. I'm asking for advice? 4 Months, 3 Weeks ago
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Hm ... why don't you hang out with her, get both drunk and then ask her how she truely feels about her relationship with that guy?
What I think is fair to do: Let her feel that she is special to you and let her start wondering if you might like her more than a friend.
What you shouldn't do: Ask her to straight to be her gf, tell her it was better to break up with the other guy, talk bad about him, pressure her, kiss her etc.
Well you know, actually there are girls that stay with a guy although they are not really totally happy in the relationship, just because the other option was to be alone and lonely, and they don't want that.
If you let her know that the other option was being with you, it's not being unfair, it's only the truth^^
Trying to manipulate her decision would be unfair
Bestest Luck to you!!^^ |
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Last Edit: 2010/03/09 02:24 By Karyuu.
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Re:What.. I'm asking for advice? 4 Months, 3 Weeks ago
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The thoughts about her bf not showing her affection or her breaking down.. seems to me like wishful thinking. It's just your means to justify pursuing her even though you know you shouldn't. You haven't described any instance or examples indicating that she is actually into you like flirting or being somewhat intimate with you. So even if she thinks about breaking up with her bf, you can't even say for sure you are next in line. This feeling you speak of very well could be one sided. Now is it worth risking your friendship with her to continue down this path? Not at all. Don't plan on waiting for her. It may work against you in the long run because when you are always around her, it shows 1) you will always be a friend 2) you are just too easy and predictable for her 3) you are less desirable if you are not around other women at all. Therefore, you may think it's romantic to continue waiting for her but it will probably work against you. And don't even think about trying to sway her into breaking up because she may end up blaming you if she regrets it. Also if you sway her into breaking up, you will just be a friend and always be. You will probably end up watching her go out with some new guy that comes along the way. The verdict: Move on. There is ALWAYS someone better out there.
Just my two cents
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Last Edit: 2010/03/10 02:40 By anti-venom.
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Re:What.. I'm asking for advice? 4 Months, 3 Weeks ago
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Karyuu wrote:
Hm ... why don't you hang out with her, get both drunk and then ask her how she truely feels about her relationship with that guy?
What I think is fair to do: Let her feel that she is special to you and let her start wondering if you might like her more than a friend.
What you shouldn't do: Ask her to straight to be her gf, tell her it was better to break up with the other guy, talk bad about him, pressure her, kiss her etc.
Well you know, actually there are girls that stay with a guy although they are not really totally happy in the relationship, just because the other option was to be alone and lonely, and they don't want that.
If you let her know that the other option was being with you, it's not being unfair, it's only the truth^^
Trying to manipulate her decision would be unfair
Bestest Luck to you!!^^
Could it be...our good admin is endorsing the use of .....
recreational drugs  hahahah 
well here is my 2 cents
At the end of the day, the only person who knows your situation best is yourself. You will know this person better than any of us and most of all you will know where you currently stand in the love triangle.
We can all give you advice on the best way to handle the situation, but it will only be based on good intentions to either protect you or root for your success.
How effective are techniques to improve your success? I'm a firm believer that it takes two to tango. You can try a tactic on 1000 women, but you'll realise that the ones that do turn into relationships are the women who are willing to tango with you
So I guess the real question is whether you want to Man up and find your answer or do you want to remain friends. The pursuit for romance usually carries an element of risk, but thats just part of life
In my opinion, I'll probably would rather not wait. A man has to do what a man has to do, if it does not work out, sure you'll be upset, but with time you'll bounce back and be ready for the next girl that comes by.
This is all easy to say but i know its hard to do it in real life. I had my fair share of them 
Even harder to do when its someone else's girl...on the brighter note, if you know your a good bloke, there isn't really anything that should stop you. The only person who is stopping you is yourself
I wish you all the best bro
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Last Edit: 2010/03/10 13:27 By Shamino.
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Re:What.. I'm asking for advice? 4 Months, 2 Weeks ago
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Sounds like u've already got a plan man, well to add my opinion here would be.. have a bit vague attitude.
u know, have urself wrapped up a bit. not too open but not too closed try to play her mind, make her puzzled.
Let her sense or (pick up if you'd like) how u feel about her, if she feels the same way as u do
happy ending right there , and plus dont worry about her current bf.
sounds like they will break up anyway soon or later, and just like Will S said she could break up with him for you
good luck man  |
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Re:What.. I'm asking for advice? 4 Months, 2 Weeks ago
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Thanks for the advice everyone. Hopefully all will be well, and I can fill everyone in on the rest of my tale!
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Blurr
Fresh Boarder
Posts: 15
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