This is an archived thread of the old wglag-forum.

your experiences dating a white girl / an Asian guy?

霞龍:

For the people with experiences:
Tell us about it!
How did you meet?
What were the good sides?
Which difficulties did you have to overcome?
Were there any intercultural misunderstandings or the like?
^_^

 

 

Preston_jsd:

Wow, I see I will get the 沙发 here...

Well, I met this girl in Paris, where she was with her family and I was with with my friends. We used to sit next to eachother in the tourbus and got a long very well during a lot of interesting conversations... So that's how we got it started...

And after we came back to DE, I told her that I liked her and we started to go out for quite a while -- that was a lot of nice memories and fun until she went to another country for studying -- we are now still very good friends.

I like a lot of things from her: she is really kind, innocent and always well-tempered, I like to make jokes a lot and she was a good listener and laughed together with me crazily, anyway, we understood eachother really well.

The only tiny difficulty was that she was almost a vegetarian but I am not; and she didn't eat spicy stuff at all but I do... I invited her once to a chinese restaurant, which turned out to be a flop... She could hardly swallow anything there...hahaha

But in general, it worked out quite well, and that's what I like about western girls, they are open-minded and daring to give a try!

Hey... LinXian, I think people here are all quite interested about your stories!!!

Will-i-am:

 

lol lin, ya, im curious too, have you ever had any encounters? Well i've already told you about me that once, i would post another one, but it was really sad, didnt end happily, lol, so dont know if i should or not.

brianna:

 

I dated a Vietnamese-American guy for almost 7 years, and we were engaged.
We got along great and are still best friends, but we just needed some time to find our own lives, as he was my first-ever boyfriend (we started going out when I was 14) and I was ready to look for new experiences instead of getting married at such a young age.
I lived with him and his family for 3 years, and they were very traditional Vietnamese. It was difficult for me to adjust to things like the mother being involved in every aspect of his life, and the "children" (the oldest of whom was about 30) still staying in the house to be close to the parents. These family issues were the only real cultural differences I felt with this boyfriend, since he himself was born in America. From that experience, I learned that I value independence from my family, and definitely do not want to live with my in-laws! So if I start to have a serious relationship with an Asian guy, I should make sure we are on the same page in that regard.

I also was in two relationships with Japanese guys while I was studying abroad there. The first one lasted for only a month or two, as I eventually found out that he had been in a long-term relationship with another girl the whole time! And on top of that, our mutual Japanese friends had all been lying to me to cover for him. I thought that he was just one bad apple and I had learned my lesson, and eventually I came into a long-term relationship with someone I sincerely loved and trusted. The 8 months we were together were very happy and memorable times, and I had no qualms about continuing our relationship long-distance as I returned to America and he began studying abroad in China. Unfortunately, during the last month of our relationship, he was cheating on me with a Chinese girl and did not tell me. He chose instead to pretend he still loved me, because it "made me happy". From both of these experiences, I learned that the way Americans and Japanese view relationships is totally different. Apparently, both of these guys had problems with our relationship that they never mentioned to me until after they couldn't handle it anymore and broke up with me. All along, I had assumed that because they weren't complaining, our relationship was going great. Now I know that if I ever date a Japanese guy in the future, I should first explain in the beginning that honesty is very important to me, and that I want to talk openly about things, even if I might be hurt by it. Even then, I should try to be more intuitive about my boyfriend's needs, and think of things from his perspective, instead of waiting to be told everything.

Of course I am here at this site, so I have not given up on dating Asian men just because of these few experiences. I know that part of these were my own fault, and I still have a lot to learn about being the best girlfriend I can be. And I look forward to the challenges and the fun times the future will bring! ^^

 

霞龍:

 

>Apparently, both of these guys had problems with our relationship that they never mentioned to me until after they couldn't handle it anymore and broke up with me. All along, I had assumed that because they weren't complaining, our relationship was going great.

----> this is a major, major problem when dating Asian guys (like, the kind that didn't live in the West long enough to be influenced by Western views on relationship handling...
I had this kind of problem with like 2/3rds of my boyfriends, too
well, actually I kept asking my Japanese friends about this, and they said that there are only like 2-3 persons in their life with whom they think they could fight without ruining the relationship. So, not saying anything and trying to bear all the problems until you explode is kinda the normal way of maintaining relationships in Japan, I think.
Well they do show some small signs to show if they're happy about the situation or not, but it takes a long time for westerners to get used to that... that's one reason why many Japanese seem insecure and putting to much weight on the reaction of others, I think. Because there is a need to watch closely how others react, unless you want to ruin some friendships once in a while...


>I should first explain in the beginning that honesty is very important to me, and that I want to talk openly about things
---> I guess you should do that, but it won't change much, I'm afraid. I mean, your boyfriend will listen to that and understand that it seems important to you and keep it in mind, but people don't change the social maintainance skills they have been learning for all their life just because someone sais one sentence...
I mean if your boyfriend said to you, "I really like people who never complain and try to bear everything", would that stop you from discussing issues you perceive as problems? Would that one sentence convince you that the way to maintain relationships you have experienced in your whole socialisation as "right" and "working" is actually inadequate here, and that you should change it?

hehe, sorry for getting kind of emotional about this one, but I've made some sad experiences with this issue :-(
I still don't really know how to resolve it...
Firstly, maybe only marry an Asian guy who has lived abroad for at least 2-3 years, haha

and personally, joining groups of Japanese and understanding the relationship structure, like who likes whom and who doesn't like whom, and what are the things that people do that gets other Japanese to dislike them, and asking questions like "why did this person behave like this the other day?" "how would Japanese feel if he behaved differently (e.g, in a "western" way)?" has helped me to understand some of the basics of how the culture works. also, watching terebi dorama has helped me to get infiltrated with the basic Japanese values, haha.
But still I'm having a hard time to hold back my inner "German socialization voice" which tells me "in this situation, the right method to resolve things is XY", when I kinda know that in Japanese culture, one should do something pretty different....

brianna:

 

Thanks for your reply! I really agree with everything you said. So we can't expect others to change their core values, and we need to be willing to meet them halfway. I think it's a great learning experience - it really helps us ponder the way of thinking that we've taken for granted our whole lives. (From your descriptions that I've read, it seems like the German way of handling problems in relationships is more or less the same as the typical American way.) And I have been thinking the same thing about only marrying an Asian guy who's been abroad for a while. ^^ but of course, dating is a time for experimentation, so that's a whole different story. (￣∇￣)

 

 

Will-i-am:

 

Wow, brianna, my condolences to what happened to you... But i totally agree with what Lin said, that if one must marry/date, it's better to get an asian guy who's been abroad awhile, if not born in the west. Cause as i understand it, situations like these in china are pretty rampant (not too sure about japan) as my cousins there tell me.

and Lin姐姐 you are like an expert on relationships XD

Well here's a story of me and this belgian girl. it was a pretty sad experience.
I met this girl through my best friend on msn. They both live in belgium. He had been in love with her for a few years. The girl and I, we became friends very quick, chatted on msn everyday despite the time difference, wrote emails to each other when we couldn’t see each other on msn. It seemed like we were conquering the incredible distance that was between us. (canada/belgium) And because i wanted to visit my friend in beligum, i thought i'd visit her as well. At our first meeting i didnt feel anything, but then afterwards the more we talked, the more we took a liking towards each other. We would call each other sometimes until the early lights of morning. In the end just after seeing her a total of 9 times, went to her house a few times, I thought i started to truly like the girl, yet at the same time i dont know why, I didn’t want to admit it in my heart. Even though she kept on questioning me about it, i would deny it (my grave mistake) because i thought it would hurt my best friend, as he’s been in love with her for some time, and he already knew that she took a liking to me (he even told me if i said yes, it wouldn’t change anything), but at that instant, I did not believe this (my N.american way of thinking). It wasn’t love, some kind of physical/emotional attraction that was too great. We knew we werent ordinary friends, perhaps it would have turned to love if i could've stayed longer. However because of the time i had, only 2 months during the summer, minus the time i had to spend in france, and another week in Bruxelles.

But the times we did see each other, and the phone convos we had untill 4 or 5am, were truly the best moments of my life. We did everything a gf/bf would do short of kissing, because I wouldn’t allow it, due to my then too ‘asian’ way of thinking that it would be too irresponsible of me, to take the girl, and then leave her in a few weeks perhaps forever.

In the end, she kept on questioning me whether i was in love with her or not through cellphone and textmsg, even till the moment I boarded a train towards Amsterdam for my plane, but i kept on saying no due to thinking it might have hurt my best friend, also due to the thought of it being irresponsible.

I only realized on my plane back, after reading some letters she wrote me by hand for me to read during the flight (I thought European girls were very romantic ^^) that how simple and quick it would have solved everything if i simply answered her back, and told her how I truly felt. So the first thing i found from this experience is that i think europeans in general treat love with more respect, especially the girls, they treat love with much more respect and passion. This was due to the fact that my friend made it clear to me the fact that if i were to fall in love, then i fell in love, nothing would change between him and me. Instead here in N. america, i guess if this happened, my best buddy would get really pissy at me, and maybe we'd have a fight or a huge argument, and then kill each other.

In the end, she didn't want me to go, but i had no choice. Once i came back, it was finished, no explanations needed. I mean, it couldnt have continued, since it was the zenith when I was there, and anything after that had to be a downhill ride. We Communication only through msn/phone is not possible to maintain something like this. So we talked for some time, and it was like I was still in belgium, but then one day we both realized that I left, so we fought a few times, and then it was over.

What did i learn? That anything's possible really, and dont be afraid about falling in love, lol, even if you only have 2 months or perhaps less to enjoy it, thus my quote from my profile “'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”. In my case, i learned the lesson too late.

I also learned for myself personally, that a girl has a certain power to change a guy, whether for good or for worse. She broke through my icy shell of trying to be an ignorant perfectionist who doesn’t like to admit my own mistakes. Because of her and this experience, I’ve changed, and I’m forever grateful for her teaching me a valuable lesson on human nature. Also how powerful ‘love’ and ‘attraction’ can be, even though I had 1 past relationship before, it wasn’t anything like this, it scared me, perhaps that was another reason why I did not confess up.

So what did we overcome? the incredible distance between europe and north america, the 6 hour time difference, for our short time when we had that connection.

The good side? Well one thing I noticed, I didn’t get a lot of stares (almost non-existant) when I was out with her, than say if I was in canada and with a white girl.


Intercultural differences? Not exactly, since we were both very open towards each other's ideas, her parents were pretty open as well, (gotta admit, europeans generally are better than asian parents at this ^^)

Haha so guys, what are your opinions on this, lol. And if you are gonna say im stupid, then say it, hehe, im used to it. XD

 

 

 

霞龍:

 

wow... that's a really romantic story!
by the way, did you tell her later that you actually were in love with her?
If not, I really think you should tell her! Like, the same things that you told us!

Will-i-am:

 

lol, ya i did, afterwards when i got home, and i realized it was the correct thing to do. :) hiding something has never been my forte, so i couldnt bear with the guilt of hiding something from her, lol.

 

霞龍:

 

that's good
anyway, you know, really important people you will meet two times in life.
You do get second chances in life, and people also tend to forget the bad things and remembering the good. (somehow that's a form of brain hygiene, research says, haha)

Will-i-am:

 

lol, ya it was the correct choice at the time.
But i dont plan on seeing her again, lol... it would just be too weird, since we fought a lot on the phone and msn, and things. I told her i would visit my friends in Liege (an university city in belgium), she said she would come and see me, but i said, no, lol. Because its too werid, also she's the gf of another close friend of mine whos studying in Liege, so..... XD
I agree, second chances are nice, but i dont think some people are destined to have second chances, lol, me for example.
Hmm interesting concept, this brain hygiene. :)

Yuuichiro:

 

I have never date with white girls XDXD

mmm There are few white girl around here!!

Will-i-am:

 

lol dude, buy urself a ticket to europe, and ull be surrounded by white girls. XD
then it's up to how you play your cards. :) gl man!

Will-i-am:

lol, it IS different, and it is quite hard to only get around with just english, u have to learn the native language of the place. or else it just wont work, especially with dating girls, lol.

i moved to canada when i was 9/10, so i knew what a culture gap was like, when i first came here, i didnt even know what abc's were, cause i only learned chinese back in china.

but ya, learning a language when u are older is much harder.

Will-i-am:

 

lol, dont worry man!!! do ur best, and im sure ull succeed, lol.

Constance *Babii*:

Yuuichiro said:

“I have never date with white girls XDXD

mmm There are few white girl around here!!”

in the city where i study there are something like 5 asian guys...
x.x

too bad

xxx

Constance *Babii*:

mmh, what Brianna said is very interesting, i've never thought of that but i guess it's true...

xxx

 

 

 

PhilipPekoe:

1. I had a relationship with a russian girl once. God she was pretty. We had a nice time together. Her family was lovely and very kind. But after all her friends didn't like me so they desided to tell her that I'm cheating on her. And guess what... instead of believing me she thrust her friends and believe they lies. Of course I was pissed off. At the end I heard from a friend that she sad that she just wanted to be in a relationship with a black guy...
HELLO!! B**** are you blind? I'm f***** asian. And I'm not even black. I'm brown... :D

2. After that chaos I had a german girlfriend... for two or three weeks. And... how do I explain that... There was no "love". Every single day she was with we had sexual intercourse -.-'
Ok... nothing against sexual intercourse but the thing is I had never had the chance to talk to her. And I was tired beiing f***ed all the time. So I quit... And no it's not a lie.


After all...
Most of the White girls beeing choosy. That's good. And I hope at the end I can find what I'm looking for. Peace and (real) love.
(BTW: I unlearned LOVE.)

Constance *Babii*:

philip, sure you had some weird girlfriends!! o_O

it's the first time i hear a boy who broke up with his gf because there was no love...
anyway i wish u good luck with the next *lucky* girl!! ^-^

xxx

 

Preston_jsd:

Hehe, sexual intercourse....
sounds a little weird.
Are you a medical student? Bro... :))

PhilipPekoe said:

“... was with we had sexual intercourse... -.-'“

 

 

PhilipPekoe:

I don't want to say F*cking...
Dude... I'm a gentleman. There are many girls here... ;)

PhilipPekoe:

I hope so... ^^ Thanks

Year! I broke up because I felt a bit "used". And I think you won't like that. I have needs... And I don't need somebody who is focused on sex. There is more than that...

Babii-hime said:

“philip, sure you had some weird girlfriends!! o_O

it's the first time i hear a boy who broke up with his gf because there was no love...
anyway i wish u good luck with the next *lucky* girl!! ^-^

xxx“

Constance *Babii*:

yeah i understand your point ^^

xxx

 

Kim:

 

 

aw my first love (asian we didn't date)
we barly talked b-cuz he was shy but we met b-cz we
were on a trip in chicago with a college group and we
rented a boat to float around and blare music for us to party
on it (and i thought he was cute and he was quiet and always
controled listening to his ipod){im attatched to my mp3 player 24/7 also lol)
so i got his attention and we danced but that was the last
day of the trip and i havn't seen/talked to him cents...
i am also sad cuz asians might date white grls but they usually
go back to asian grls for marage *that makes me sad*

Xiaowei:

 

dated white girl before
i was a student, she was my customer...i know..
it's all good sides
no difficulty
as far as i can see, it's a simply thing, go there and ask or be asked
doesn't matter she turns you down or not, what's big deal

Zhi Jung:

PhilipPekoe said:

“1. I had a relationship with a russian girl once. God she was pretty. We had a nice time together. Her family was lovely and very kind. But after all her friends didn't like me so they desided to tell her that I'm cheating on her. And guess what... instead of believing me she thrust her friends and believe they lies. Of course I was pissed off. At the end I heard from a friend that she sad that she just wanted to be in a relationship with a black guy...
HELLO!! B**** are you blind? I'm f***** asian. And I'm not even black. I'm brown... :D

2. After that chaos I had a german girlfriend... for two or three weeks. And... how do I explain that... There was no "love". Every single day she was with we had sexual intercourse -.-'
Ok... nothing against sexual intercourse but the thing is I had never had the chance to talk to her. And I was tired beiing f***ed all the time. So I quit... And no it's not a lie.


After all...
Most of the White girls beeing choosy. That's good. And I hope at the end I can find what I'm looking for. Peace and (real) love.
(BTW: I unlearned LOVE.)“

I had experienced this sort of relationship too. I can remember her name: Anja. She wanted sex every day. It was very strange. She told me about rape attempt that she experience in their home town with class mates after sex one time. And so I developed such a strong protective instinct for her, but it was impossible to talk to her. Actually we broke off because I started engaging in artistic stuff, she was intolerant to my awaken passion. I develop a strong sense for the needs of a female body with her within the full range from kissing, cuddling, touching and sexual intercourse. I think men are much faster to start with sex first, but it is not true that they want more sex than women. Well, actually I wanted to become a close friend to her and support her to find a goal in life. But it was so difficult to convince her to stop having sex all the time and start talking about problems. I was so obsessed to help her, that I would give in a open relationship, so that she can socialize herself with other guys and start to develop a normal relationship to men. She thinks too much about "Chinese men are nicer than white men". She had to stop this fetish. You can imagine the ending. Yes this relationship was determined to end.

Lorena:

 

You know it's funny, because there's a difference between dating an American Asian that was born and raised Americanized and dating one that was born and raised in Asia for a good part of their life and then brought into American lifestyle.
At 14, I was enjoying the summer working in this very small convient store. Patrick, Korean by the way, that I didn't know very well from school started working at the same store. He was handsome, popular, a jock, extermely flirty, but was a real ass. Bascially, when I saw him I said hello but didn't bother to be near him more than I had to be. One afternoon while having our lunch break together, he came over to sit outside with me. He began talking about how much weights he could lift, how he was a star at football, that he was so popular with girls. I just let him talk about himself- you know in one ear and out the other- he sat down one day and said nothing the whole time we were eating. After a little bit he said: "I'm gonna ride my bike." I nodded at him thankful to have some quiet and watched him ride around the empty lot. When all of a sudden he just flew off the bike. I remember him lying facedown not moving. My mind had gone blank before I bolted for him scared out of my mind. I got down on my knees, grabed his shoulders, turned him over and started to shake him hysterically saying his name. He then "woke" up and grinned at me and said something along the lines of: "And here I thought you didn't care." He'd actually scared me so much that I'd started to cry. He hugged me and held onto me until I calmed down. He asked me to take a short walk w/ him and took my hand and told me he'd noticed me at school, that I was different from other girls and that he'd been trying to figure out for months how to ask me out and was really excited when he found out we'd be working together over the summer. But since he was really popular and girls just flocked to him and seemed to fall for him just by mentioning how strong he was. He'd hoped that would just work on me too and when it didn't he didn't know what else to do except toss himself off his bike. Lol. After that we spent all summer dating. Patrick, was my first boyfriend. Truthfully, before him I'd only had crushes on white or hispanic guys with dark hair and eyes or mixed guys...I've always liked different ethincities, but somehow before Patrick Asians weren't encluded.
Years later at 17 I met a younger Chinese guy, Daniel, he was 15 and until he was 7 lived in Beijin. He was short, wore glasses, nerdy in that cool way and had really long hair, calm and quiet. The complete oposite of the out going, loud Patrick. We sat next to one another in math and knew one another from band class for two years. one day we had a surprise quiz and I just wasn't understanding any of it. I began to panic because I didn't even know one answer. That's when I felt a hand on my leg. I looked down and looked up to see him make the universal "look here" nod with his head. He'd pushed his paper over to I could cheat off him! he was super smart and NEVER let anyone cheat. Anyhow I copied the answers and after class asked him why he let me. His reply: "You're always very nice to me...plus I like your drawings." I went home and drew a picture of him which led us to developing a friendship and one day while hanging out he asked if I would be offened if a non-white guy kissed me. I said no, we kissed and started dating. Which is mom didn't approve of because i was white and older and so tried to break us up. Which after a few months of harrassment worked. What I liked about him he had all these great stories about growing up in China, he taught me to eat w/ chopsticks and just got me interested in Asian culture.

Nouvelleere:

Both your encounters with the Korean and Chinese boys, although started differently and ended not too long later, are really sweet.

霞龍:

woooow, cute stories :-D

 

 

Philipp Mundsberg:

Am I allowed to leave a comment here?
Well I met the first white girl i dated in the club in Osaka.
But as long as she went back to germany, it became so hard to maintain the relationship.
Fathermore, she had unidentified desease, which we both couldn't deal with all the things.
eventurelly we broke up after 1 year of relationship.
I had so many experiences of breaking up though.
Due to the distance as usual...
Weird one i had, I dated a girl who was already taken but since i liked her rly much, we dated.
She first promissed me to break up with her bf but eventurelly she didn't and all went so bad to both of us,
Now i don't even know how she is...

 

 

霞龍:

I met a Japanese guy at Mixi once... and then we went to eat Kaiten-Sushi (rotatingbelt-sushi)^^

Daryn:

i love dating asian guys !
i am currently dating a Vietnamese guy named Matt.
he is such a cutie.

we met last year in a class at school for Dental Care.
He told my friends that he liked me and they got us talking and we started dating.

the good things about him and the things i love about our relationship are:
he is very cute.
im in love with his big brown eyes.
he has a charming smile and his facial hair makes him hot. lol
he is so incredibly sweet and very creative in showing his affection and love for me.
he's very playful and sarcastic, as am i, so we always have such fun conversations.
even though i do not ask, he will take me out to eat and get me little gifts here and there. - he just recently bought me Burnette high heels from Chinese Laundry. They are gorgeous.
we relate in so many ways. (examples being, our love for cars especially mustangs, we listen to the same music, etc)
we have many of the same morals and values.
he's such a hard worker and i know he would provide for our family, if we had one that is. (somedays, fingers crossed)
we go on road trips EVERYWHERE and take TONS of pictures.
i enjoy experiencing his Vietnamese culture.

the difficulties we had to overcome...
well when he and i first started talking, i had a boyfriend (he was white)
so me and matt started a little fling on the side, so it was kind of hard dealing with that at the time.
his parents at first, preferred him be with a Vietnamese girl but now they adore me and are always kind.
also, it was different with his parents always being involved in his life and constantly calling him and stuff. but ive gotten used to it and they have chilled out.

Matt is very very VERY americanized. so there are no intercultural misunderstandings between us.
he teaches me some things from his culture, although hes not all that fluent or knowledgable about it all that much so we're both learning. its fun.

i love him and our relationship.

小雪:

I totally agree^^ I would tell the story of how my boyfriend and I met, but it's really long and quite complicated so once I figure out a way to shorten and uncomplicate it a bit, I'll share^^

Jason said:

„Issues I had were more like a person to person thing which could even happen between couples from same ethnic or cultural background.
I have been with girls from several different cultural background. They were all different, even among girls from a same country. It is hard to generalize a person based on their cultural background.
There were no intercultural misunderstanding. If you get married, I think there could be some problems. But, as far as for dating, I really don't think there should be any issues.
I think it is important not to make big deal out of the cultural difference and what not. Just treat them in a same way like you do for others. You will be amazed how similar we are despite of where we are from.“

Tak:

i met white girls everywhere, in club, bars, bookstores, school..etc

and i've only dated white girls/non asian girls, so i have nothing to compare to.
i guess white girls personality in general fits me more. they are more open and bubbly.

no difficulties that i am aware of.

some minor misunderstanding, but nothing that's big enough to be a deal breaker.

Dillon:

Do you where to find white girl to date? Not in clubs or bars
I'm talking about in OC California

 

Tak:

i think its the same for everywhere... just go and talk to them and dont be shy.

Muffin:

@lotusflower:
yeh, I think that's a common thing when dating asian boys. You keep on thinking they're really into you, while they are being clear in their own ways, we just misunderstand each other....

Jason:

LOL r u crazy? haha! if i wanted to marry an asian girl i wouldn't even be on this site there's like an asian girl almost everytime u cross a street over hear and instead i'm typing this msg in front of my computer! haha! Marrying a white or mix girl would be like a dream come true!*drool* this is one of the main reasons y i'm moving! LOL leaving everything i already have behind to start a new life because i dnt want asian chicks anymore!
Kim said:

aw my first love (asian we didn't date)
we barly talked b-cuz he was shy but we met b-cz we
were on a trip in chicago with a college group and we
rented a boat to float around and blare music for us to party
on it (and i thought he was cute and he was quiet and always
controled listening to his ipod){im attatched to my mp3 player 24/7 also lol)
so i got his attention and we danced but that was the last
day of the trip and i havn't seen/talked to him cents...
i am also sad cuz asians might date white grls but they usually
go back to asian grls for marage *that makes me sad*

Deltron_3030:

 

i never dated any white girls just mainly hispanic women all of them were crazy or mindf@cks.

Deb:

@Lotusflower

I had a similar experience with a a guy from Scotland. We were friends since high school (long-distance penpals); flirted, but nothing major just all in fun. Anyway, he always expressed his desire to come to Canada and finally did so a few years ago settling in Calgary. He would phone me nearly everyday and text me practically hourly, but when I told him I would like to finally meet in person (I was willing to travel two provinces over to see him), he kept making excuses and then dropped off the face of the earth. It was rather bizarre after nearly 7 years of online/penpal friendship and made me question who this person really was.

The point of all this gibberish is that I don't think it only has to do with Asian men. :)
Technology has made it easier to "become" someone else and/or cheat on a significant other; thus with that opportunity comes many men who use it to their advantage. Illusions are ruined if they stick around too long.

On another note, I loved having a penpal. It was nice to correspond and make friends with someone from another part of the world.

Mark:

 

 

LotusFlower said:

Well,
I would like to ask somthing here...
I have been involved with a few asian guys online and in real life..
but i have to say it didnt turn out well...
That one person i dated in real life was really happy about us and promissed the world to me, but i heard not much from him during that time..and the realtionship kept going , untill i called him once and he said he didnt know me... *gasp*
and then after a week or so he said he was gone to another country! *ermmm* lol

I have been also involved with a few asians online that turned out to be great and fun in the first chats and they wanted to see my country etc and would diffently come to visit me..
after a week they ended contact and didnt hear from them or they are busy with work or college.. they are always BUSY!
so how can i start up somthing if they dissapear??
for some reasen its really hard to keep track of them.. one time they promise the world to you and the next day, they dissapear...

Not that i am in need of a relationship but it would be cool to keep in touch seriously with someone,even over the internet. ^_^

Can someone give me good tips and information on that?
I am not saying all asians are like that, but after trying to get to know asian men,it always have been a very hard time.

LotusFlower

dear lotus flower,

1) there is something about men you need to understand. when men get horny, they'll say anything. when they aren't they'll disappear. so the solution is to never believe in what they say. only look at their actions.

2) as for your online dating problems, i believe you'll get much better luck in real life. men only go online when they are horny so do not believe online guys. see 1) for why.

hope this helps and good luck in your future endeavors

Jacqui:

Hmm I've dated a few Asian guys..and they all were genuinely nice guys to a point, but after a while things tended to get manipulative or controlling and really difficult for me. Even though I've dated American born Asians and Asian guys that came to America to live there was always that wall of "why can't you be just like me" and I could never get over it. Since I've been living in Japan...its been very rough and its frustrating (its weird I had better luck in America than I do in Asia ha ha). I would think that in these days race doesn't matter, but I think even for guys who say they prefer non-Asian girls theres something in the back of their head that subconsciously compares. I don't think anyone would want to admit it...or maybe they just don't know it...but thats what it seems like to me.

I must admit though I dated one guy who had come to my home town to live from the Philippines that I honestly, adored. He was sweet and kind and always made me feel better when I was down, but by that time I'd become a bit jaded and sabotaged it myself...I wish I could take back what happened but I cant T_T