Question about marriage.

Vesna wrote: hmm, are you saying you can't get responsibility, safety and love from a solid relationship?

I've thought about this issue a lot and decided that a solid relationship is more important than a formal declaration of union adorned with a shiny rock. As far as being in America is concerned, it is becoming more socially acceptable to forgo marriage and simply cohabit. Marriage, as some have already explained, can be spurred by financial & tax incentives to have kids and being married confers other privileges. Besides that, some studies show that couples who simply cohabit can be just as happy as married couples. Likewise, people who are married are ultimately no more happier than when they were single, though married people suffer less unhappiness over time.

But personally I believe a large factor in the desire for marriage stems from the stigma of being an unmarried adult. It's generally assumed, particularly in America that married adults are more responsible, respectable, reliable & trustworthy, and more stable in life. This is why some would perceive marriage as a rite of passage to show that they've "matured". I don't necessarily buy into this mythos, however... and not everyone will agree with me obviously. I certainly don't think marriage suddenly makes someone a model citizen.

Do you guys think that relationships have become expendable? I.e. people are more likely to call it quits over something that is probably salvageable, but for whatever reasons, people seem less willing to put in the effort.

Marriage might not be the end-all thing, but it kind of seems like people are less committed as a whole. When the going gets tough, some call it quits to go find themselves.

I just think it's a habitual tradition. Another stepping stone in life's memory scrap book. You're born, you graduate school and or university, get a job, fall in love, marry, get a home of your own, have 2.5 kids, retire and then die in a hot air balloon whilst observing the cheetah activity in Zimbabwe.

Some people get married because that's what society said is the right thing to do.

Eg. My in-laws think my fiance is getting old.....he's only 26 for crying out loud.
In their minds he should be married by now and within a year or two give them a grandchild.

And his sister got married after only 5 months together with her boyfriend....why? Because to be 32 years old and unwed was just not acceptable to them.

The average age for marriage is creeping up. I think something around late 20s and beyond. There has been a huge increase in the % of people that put career first and then look to get married later in life. Kids are less of a priority due to complications or "career trajectories" so a lot of them stay unmarried as well. I wonder if we'll ever reach a point where marriage is seen as the new "frowned upon" end-result. Like the same double standard, but reversed.

Marriage is the institution of the relationship, a foundation of the committed made saying"forever". It's commonly occurs between young people went they have been together for a short time and eventually want to tie that knot making it unbreakable mostly but their parents. Overtime when they realize they can't live with other people or the habits of the person become unmanageable. These have then been the mistakes made that cause many to divorce. But not the institution itself.

BeachyBlossom wrote: I just think it's a habitual tradition. Another stepping stone in life's memory scrap book. You're born, you graduate school and or university, get a job, fall in love, marry, get a home of your own, have 2.5 kids, retire and then die in a hot air balloon whilst observing the cheetah activity in Zimbabwe.

Yup, this is it in a nutshell. The proverbial life-script.

Well, marriage used to be seen as something special. Now it seems there is a negative reaction to it by younger generations. High divorce rates are the product of 2 things really: 1) People not taking their vows seriously and thinking marriage is some walk in the park 2) People being unfaithful to their partner because they are selfish and think they can do whatever they damn please.

Personally, I think #2 has been largely driven by the media glamorizing divorce, sleeping around, cheating... you name it. Nowadays people shrug off their divorced status like it's no big deal. Celebrities are on their 3rd, 4th marriages? That's just sad. At that point they should just stop- and the divorce rate would probably be lower if they did. Some circumstances are out of the control of the couple (such as abuse, drugs, etc), but I also see a lot of immature folks get married. If you really cannot put someone else's needs before your own, you shouldn't be getting married.

So what's my personal belief? Is a piece of paper really all that important? Not really, but it helps to have physical evidence of a commitment. So I guess it's not so much the certificate, but the vow of commitment. Because without that, my fiance could just go flirt around with whomever he wanted with no consequences. If you really believe in what you vow, you'd stay married through the struggle and temptation. If you want a family, that vow is usually a good place to start in terms of building a stable foundation for your children to grow up.

Some people want to get married because of social pressures and others want to get married because they are in love with that person and want to seal the deal with a piece of paper. Marriage is seen by many as an official agreement for their love. The paper means so much a many see it as a sealed deal, pretty much the same way as if you buy a car or a house and you have to sign a paper to show that it's yours. Or for that matter, even signing any contract.

Personally, I would want to get married to my significant other because we both believe that it would bring us closer together as a couple. We would only get married in 4-5 years as our main focus is to graduate from university now, and hopefully for us both to have permanent residence or citizenship in the country we are planning to live in.

Another reason why we would like to get married is because being both the romantics that we are, we want to do everything the traditional way. Despite the fact our relationship didn't start off like most relationships do, we both want to follow through the procedure of being engaged, and getting married and then sharing our assets and having kids.

relationship is about feeling. marriage is about responsibility.

most of people consider too much about how happy they should be when they are in a marriage and forgot about it's a commitment, that's when marriage become just another relationship.