I Am Shallow

Jossie wrote: I mean the competition on being better than anyone else. But mostly with women. I tend to want to feel the superior to women. Because if a feel like a woman feels better than me I try to let her know, no cheaply, that indeed she is not.

I think most women feel like this. We want to be liked so much that we do a lot to be appreciated. And if we see danger on being unappreciated because of another girl, well, we rule out the competition.

It's wild.

A distinct difference that I've noticed between the sexes was... guys are fairly straightforward with their conflicts, while girls can plan out a whole elaborate system or plan to get back at those that have wronged them. It can be downright vicious.

ILoveCreampuffs wrote:

Jossie wrote: I mean the competition on being better than anyone else. But mostly with women. I tend to want to feel the superior to women. Because if a feel like a woman feels better than me I try to let her know, no cheaply, that indeed she is not.

I think most women feel like this. We want to be liked so much that we do a lot to be appreciated. And if we see danger on being unappreciated because of another girl, well, we rule out the competition.

It's wild.

A distinct difference that I've noticed between the sexes was... guys are fairly straightforward with their conflicts, while girls can plan out a whole elaborate system or plan to get back at those that have wronged them. It can be downright vicious.

Yes. But instead of using fists women tend to use words, scoffs, glances; actions. Simple answers are the harshest.

I say this because I am like this.
"Nice" women can deny it but they're not the angels they claim to be.

ILoveCreampuffs wrote:

Jossie wrote: I mean the competition on being better than anyone else. But mostly with women. I tend to want to feel the superior to women. Because if a feel like a woman feels better than me I try to let her know, no cheaply, that indeed she is not.

I think most women feel like this. We want to be liked so much that we do a lot to be appreciated. And if we see danger on being unappreciated because of another girl, well, we rule out the competition.

It's wild.

A distinct difference that I've noticed between the sexes was... guys are fairly straightforward with their conflicts, while girls can plan out a whole elaborate system or plan to get back at those that have wronged them. It can be downright vicious.

true true... and i've seen a loot of girls doing it ... girls can be really... oh wait i am a girl too

.... this sounds similar to the apology I posted in the random thoughts thread last week

th3f4llen wrote: I've been looking back at my comments on the forum, and realize that despite my effort to fool myself, I am actually very sexist, racist, and discriminating. I realize that I like to put others down to push myself up, degrading others because of my narrow-minded thinking, being utterly arrogance and very inappropriate. I've also realized that I like to impose my ideas upon others, which is very wrong and hypocritical of me. I've also been very rude to the mods. And therefore, I'm sorry.

Everyone is shallow. Everyone wants the best. Question is, is less not good enough for you? I think having a list of prerequisites for prospective partners (6+ feet tall, abs, educated, rich, stylish, well mannered, etc etc.) is the wrong way to go (though I've been guilty as charged), unless perhaps you're looking for "the one" and don't want to waste any time on someone less than promising. Either way, the whole seeing past someone's looks as if it doesn't matter at all is just bs IMO. Take the trait that seems to be the most unattainable (rare) and just drop it down a notch for 6 months or something and see where that takes you. One step at a time. But honestly some people are just meant to be shallow and nothing can change that. Forcing yourself to accept things you aren't satisfied with will probably inevitably make you unhappy. Although all this needs to come from plenty of experience.

jealousy, shallowness, competition, in my opinion, can be very good forces for society. without them, we cannot move forward as a whole and as individuals. So I guess as long as you can control them, it's fine.

Mm... to answer your two bold questions.

1. The genuine caring selfless people are out there doing genuine caring selfless things, like curing disease in Africa. There's a slim chance you'll meet them in everyday life. Actually, nah. For those people, doing what they do genuinely brings them joy. The only reward of virtue is virtue, after all.

2. I think it's fine if you admit to being shallow on some points and either accept yourself as flawed or try to change it. Anyway, you're ultimately the judge of your standing as a "good" person. There's no need to change yourself to satisfy some predefined ideals or societal expectations or even some random guy's.

Great introspective post, btw.

Like Socrates became the wisest person in Athens by trying to prove his own ignorance, you are not shallow if you know your shortcomings. And the ones who don't recognize their shallowness are truly shallow, just like the ones who put Socrates to death claimed to be wise, not seeing their own ignorance.
This talk of ancient philosophy might sound crazy to some people, but I'm dead serious. Everyone has flaws, but the real problem lies in the ones who can never see their own flaws. And those ones disgust me so much.

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Well, and in all practical sense, Jossie, I would not think of you as a shallow person, from what I've seen on this community.

zxynn wrote: Like Socrates became the wisest person in Athens by trying to prove his own ignorance, you are not shallow if you know your shortcomings. And the ones who don't recognize their shallowness are truly shallow, just like the ones who put Socrates to death claimed to be wise, not seeing their own ignorance.
This talk of ancient philosophy might sound crazy to some people, but I'm dead serious. Everyone has flaws, but the real problem lies in the ones who can never see their own flaws. And those ones disgust me so much.

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Well, and in all practical sense, Jossie, I would not think of you as a shallow person, from what I've seen on this community.

I didn't think about it this way, but somehow it makes sense?

I am still not sure ,

Yes - We are all shallow.

It takes work to not be shallow, it takes alot of effort and alot of reminders that not everyone is going to line up with what you think is okay in your life. Having said that - It can be doable.

Just going to shed a little light onto my situation. I am one of those people who are judged constantly. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, I don't look beautiful enough, not thin enough - My personality leaves little to be desired etc etc. People always say your 24 and you've never had a boyfreind. How can i when i am constantly slammed by the above?

But it has taught me some things - be kind , be lovely. We are always going to be inclined to appreciate something that looks more appealing to us. That's just basic psychology, but as long as your aware of your shortcomings and you make a concious effort to always be kind, polite and lovely - I dare say your a step ahead of many people.