Is marriage important to you?

okamitina wrote: Wow there was a lot to unpack in this thread. What a ride lol~

As for me, years ago I used to think marriage was important (the institution not the ceremony.) The idea of finding someone and sharing everything with them (a name, a household, finances, etc) was something to strive for. I wanted to have someone to depend on and share experiences with. Someone to spend all of my time with.

I've seen people be together for 20 years and seem like they are in love and inseparable only to have someone cheat and then things turn into a nasty divorce. It's a bit demotivating and I'm sure there are people in the world who mean what they say and won't eventually cheat or change in the future... but there is no way to know for sure? And that uncertainty scares me...

Personally, I've worked hard for my career and my house. I enjoy my financial independence. So now I don't think marriage is so important. I would still like to find someone someday who compliments me as a partner but I don't feel like marriage is a necessity to show level of commitment.

I guess you will go dutch on dates right? No valentines day gifts? After all you're financially independent.

Winrar1234 wrote:

okamitina wrote: Wow there was a lot to unpack in this thread. What a ride lol~

As for me, years ago I used to think marriage was important (the institution not the ceremony.) The idea of finding someone and sharing everything with them (a name, a household, finances, etc) was something to strive for. I wanted to have someone to depend on and share experiences with. Someone to spend all of my time with.

I've seen people be together for 20 years and seem like they are in love and inseparable only to have someone cheat and then things turn into a nasty divorce. It's a bit demotivating and I'm sure there are people in the world who mean what they say and won't eventually cheat or change in the future... but there is no way to know for sure? And that uncertainty scares me...

Personally, I've worked hard for my career and my house. I enjoy my financial independence. So now I don't think marriage is so important. I would still like to find someone someday who compliments me as a partner but I don't feel like marriage is a necessity to show level of commitment.

I guess you will go dutch on dates right? No valentines day gifts? After all you're financially independent.

I don't know why you're acting like this is an "aha, gotcha" moment. I do pay for myself. That way I don't have to hear the "but what about dinner?" spiel when I dodge a kiss later on that night.

Winrar1234 wrote: Good luck living together let alone getting married. This is only in Ontario Canada for now but I'm sure this will eventually be global. Cohabitation is a bad risk for men because women falsely claim domestic abuse and get the man arrest.


A wealthy businessman will have to pay more than $50,000 a month in spousal support for 10 years to a woman with whom he had a long-term romantic relationship even though they kept separate homes and had no children together, Ontario’s top court has ruled.

Under Ontario law, an unmarried couple are considered common-law spouses if they have cohabited – lived together in a conjugal relationship – continuously for at least three years. But that doesn’t necessarily mean living in the same home, the court found.

www.theglobeandmail....hree%20children .

Man that sounds horrible.

okamitina wrote:

Winrar1234 wrote:

okamitina wrote: Wow there was a lot to unpack in this thread. What a ride lol~

As for me, years ago I used to think marriage was important (the institution not the ceremony.) The idea of finding someone and sharing everything with them (a name, a household, finances, etc) was something to strive for. I wanted to have someone to depend on and share experiences with. Someone to spend all of my time with.

I've seen people be together for 20 years and seem like they are in love and inseparable only to have someone cheat and then things turn into a nasty divorce. It's a bit demotivating and I'm sure there are people in the world who mean what they say and won't eventually cheat or change in the future... but there is no way to know for sure? And that uncertainty scares me...

Personally, I've worked hard for my career and my house. I enjoy my financial independence. So now I don't think marriage is so important. I would still like to find someone someday who compliments me as a partner but I don't feel like marriage is a necessity to show level of commitment.

I guess you will go dutch on dates right? No valentines day gifts? After all you're financially independent.

I don't know why you're acting like this is an "aha, gotcha" moment. I do pay for myself. That way I don't have to hear the "but what about dinner?" spiel when I dodge a kiss later on that night.

Not all guys want to kiss let alone have sex, those kind of guys maybe players testing if they can get you into bed.

No one said "all guys" but ok

After a divorce, compatibility, love, and having fun is more important than "marriage."

I think marriage is an important step for two people who feel they belong and want to document this externally. Saying yes to one another in public and with all the consequences. It is an important and sometimes the right step in life ...
Right now I don't need that for myself anymore. I've already made my experiences

If both people are fully whole without each other and have worked on their own personal issues, having let go of all their baggage? If the relationship is healthy and loving and they want to take it a step further and get married? Why not? If the relationship is toxic, co dependent, both people just constantly picking fights with each other, passive aggressive and immature on both sides? No, I don't those two should get married..Each relationship can have its challenges, but nobody should feel they have to walk on eggshells to make the other happy so that they do not explode. People who are passive agressive, angry, bitter and resentful towards their partners, love interests, or the world in general, should work on themselves, mature and grow on their own, instead of looking for a partner to cater to their every need and make them happy.If the person has trust issues? I can understand a little bit of trust issues, but people who self sabatogue, friendships and their relationships, should also not get married..

I have been married before, I have been down that road, but unless both partners are dedicated to helping and supporting each other? Building a firm and stable relationship, based on trust? It will all crumble down the moment there are issues..People who marry and are insecure and not secure in themselves tend to project all their issues onto the other person..Than because of fears and personal issues, that relationship is than destroyed by fault finding, petty arguments, lack of trust and so on..I was young and naive when i got married..Sadly age does not define a persons maturity..Especially as people tend to get stuck in a fantasy world when they are in love, ignoring all the red flags..Than they get a rude awakening when that lovey dovey feeling wears off..

Not all marriages end in divorce..But for them to stand the test of time..Both people have to dedicate themselves to becoming a better person than they were yesterday..Working on any issues or pains and insecurities that pop up..Not just pinning the blame entirely on their partner for their own crappy behaviors that contributed to the other party acting in a similar manner..There are two people in a marriage..Not one..In order for both to win..They have to work together..Not against each other..Which most forget..A marriage is not all about themselves, but joining two lives, that are already whole, to contribute to the betterment of both sides..If you constantly bring the worst out in each other..The marriage will already have ended before it even starts..

Open communication and honesty is also important..There should not be any game playing or passive aggressive behaviors towards the other..If you feel you have to blow up at someone because you cannot control your temper? That is going to push the other person away..It is not an affective communication technique..We all get upset, we all lose our temper at some point, but we should not completly close ourselves to hearing out that other person..Also apologizing and trying to correct our misbehaviors....If one person tries to express themselves in a calm manner but there are misunderstandings? Those misunderstandings should be talked about right away..Not 6 months later after harboring anger and resentment towards the other..

Also when people marry..Sometimes they think their partner should "just know" how they feel or what they want..Than getting upset when they did not express it and did not get it..In this area.Communicating effectively..Thats not blaming or shaming or putting the other person down, is a good thing to learn..Effective communication is needed as just the physical will fizzle out and its game over..

I personally would love to get married again but i would really have to make sure to decide if that is something i am ready for..Also to be patient and see if that person is on the same page as i am..If they are even the right person for me..Am i the right person for them..I am very patient and understanding but will not allow myself to be a foot mat for a person to take their issues out on..So communication has to be worked on..If two people are not good at it but willing to forgive and work on their communication...Than there might be hope..But I am thankfully not at a marriage point at this moment..

Nope

Absolutely it is, I'm maybe considered "old fashioned" that way. Unfortunately among some of my friends who are married, many of them have ended up in divorce. Some are already on to their 2nd marriage. Many of my former work colleagues were also divorced. Which really makes me paranoid about getting married. Divorce sucks for the children and that's something that I fear always at the back of my mind. Finding someone I consider - normal - today is a real challenge.